If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
