your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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