Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
