dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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