i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
