You're completely useless in the revolution.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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