My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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