That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
