I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
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Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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