It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
