Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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