I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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