I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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