Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
