i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
