Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
