so that wasnt chicken after all
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
