There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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