plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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