no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
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I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
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I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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