haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
