I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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