one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
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Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
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I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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