I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize