i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
