So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
