come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
