my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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