it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
