I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
