"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
