i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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