I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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