Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Umm I'm too high to move.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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