Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Randomize
