I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
