Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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