Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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