I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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