Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
