Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
