just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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