In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
