she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
