I wanna bring you to show and tell
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
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