I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
