he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
