she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
