i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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