He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
