remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
