I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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