we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
