I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
