I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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