I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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