I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
