Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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