There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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