Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
