I'm jealous of your bromance
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
