My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
