that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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