why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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