; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
