# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
