When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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