who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
