it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
its liver damage thursday
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
