piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize