turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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