yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
