Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
