70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
