Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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